Are you helping a loved one or friend? We want to hear from you. Here at the Senior Federation we have staff who are filling a caregiving role in some capacity or are impacted in some way by a caregiver/care receiver relationship. I have asked these individuals to post here so check out the comments to this post to see what Caregiving is personally to your favorite Senior Federation staff person. If you are not on staff at the Senior Federation we want to hear from you as well. Please add a comment letting us know your caregiving story.
I'll start. I am Janine Stiles, Health Programs Director here at the Federation. I am not a direct caregiver, but I am closely watching one of my aunts caregiving for my maternal grandmother. My Aunt Lori, like many caregivers first helped my grandmother when Medicare Part D went into effect and a decision needed to be made about my grandmother's coverage. At the time my grandmother was in what I consider to be the very early stages of dementia. But really with Part D that was neither here nor there as everyone needed help with Part D! Anyway, I think just gradually it became clear that my grandmother needed assistance with smaller things and then bigger things. Out of respect for my grandmothers privacy my aunt isn't that open about her care or the decisions they are helping her make and she is pretty tight lipped about the feuds she may or may not be having with anyone of my 9 aunts and uncles. I will solicit her to post here herself.
Hope to hear from you soon.
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Those of us who work here at the Senior Federation have great access to a wealth of information that can make the lives of caregivers easier. I'm Karin Patrick, health information manager, and I have not needed to provide intensive caregiving services so far. My own mother is in the age range most would consider to be an "older" senior, but doesn't need much help. Like Janine, I am close to people who provide very intensive caregiving services, and I have observed first hand how difficult it can be.
The toughest situations I've seen come out of one elderly spouse caring for another, and not asking for help. Since spouses caring for each other frequently don't think of themselves as 'caregivers', they're likely to disregard any information they come across that could ease the burden, and they're less likely to ask for help. I know of a couple of situations where the spouse became so run-down that he/she had a near collapse and had to be hospitalized. With information and services getting more accessible all the time, hopefully these situations will become a thing of the past.
My parents seem to be doing well, but they are 81 and 78 and I expect to begin seeing health issues that will soon escalate. Is there anything I can do now to prepare for a caregiving role? What information do I need from my parents other than current medical histories and who their physicians are? My parents live in River Falls, Wisconsin--does Wisconsin have medical support systems for seniors? Linda Z.
This is a wonderful opportunity for caregivers, adult children of elderly parents, etc. to have a forum. The roles of parent/child are reversing & it's a very new experience. Time is a teacher.
RE: preparing for caregiving. There is no manual. Gather as much information from your parents in a loving way as you are able; this may include information on finances, prescriptions, clinics, insurance policies, emergency phone numbers (neighbors), bills, etc. Try to reassure your parents that you are not taking away their independence, their ability to make decisions, but rather having him/her assist you. Even when a parent becomes cranky there is a depth of humor & compassion involved. Don't forget to have fun along the way. Look at old pictures. Chances are your parent/parents will remember those names from 50 years ago & there is a story in each picture. Enjoy the process.
Help. Karin's last paragraph of her comment is exactly where my mom is headed. She cares for my dad who is rapidly becoming more and more dependent on outside care. I am at a loss as to where to start helping my parents. There is so much information to sort thru. My mom is in denial about the situation. Something needs to change but I need the right information in order to approach her. I know she will do everything in her power to make sure my dad lives at home. She did it with her parents and now she is doing it with my dad...only difference is that she is a lot older now. (There is a 12 year difference between my dad and mom 85/73)
I am a senior, caring for another senior, my wife, however, with a twist. She has brain cancer. She was diagnosed in late October, with immediate surgery, followed by recovery at Abbott Northwestern Hospital and then assorted therapies at Sister Kenny Institute. Upon arriving back at home, I immediately called out county (Dakota) offices, explained that we were long term residents and asked what Dakota County could do for us.
I have learned, over the years, that you MUST ask questions, ask for help, ask what is available, in order for you to see any results. The results will not look for you.
In almost all instances, the response will be overwhelmingly positive...people love to help.
We stopped at the local American Cancer Society and asked "what help is available"...I couldn't believe the response...I wish I hadn't just spent $700 on grab bars and railings in our house (the Cancer Society would have helped); my wife didn't want a wig (free for the asking), but we did get a cane (at no charge).
Dakota county has been most helpful ...our 'public health nurse' has worked wonders with assistance with stair chair for the steps in our house and an assist power chair for our van.
The social workers at Abbott Northwestern are my angels with their assistance and constant attention to not only my wifes' needs, but mine also.
I am my wifes' Personal Care Attendant. I get paid for 40 hours and donate the other 128 hours (well sleeping takes up 60 hours).
Learn to use your computer (or the library's to learn as much as possible about being a caregiver. There are many, many sites that offer insight into the difficulties and pleasures involved. Do a Google search using the particular affliction and caregiver...eg. brain cancer caregiver.
Most hospitals have classes, seminars or support groups covering your interests.
While each situation is different, most likely, someone else is in a similar situation and has shared their thoughts and ideas. Men learn how to wash clothes, women learn how to mow the lawn.
Ask, ask, ask...and you will receive...help. My favorite thing now is to go up to someone, perhaps at the hospital (a huge campus) and say "Hi...I'm lost...yes I am a guy and I am lost". Women love it, they then love to help. I bet if someone asked you for help, you would be happy to.
My spouse of 31 years and I moved in with my 90-year old father a little over a year ago to care for him. We live in Nisswa. Health issues come and go ... type II diabetes, surgery (mini amputation), overactive bladder disorder, short term memory loss, crankiness - but on the PLUS side: a very healthy weight loss, an improved diet and great appetite, an hour of exercise each day. We had a good idea of what we were getting into and our life is pretty much what we thought it would be. But we now find ourselves facing situations we hadn't thought of, and would like to have someone in the area we can talk with. Respite care now and again would also be nice - we've only been out of the house together twice in the past year. Normally we 'tag team' so one of us is here at all times. Would appreciate any response. Thanks!
One of the biggest stressors is money. I'm speaking of the finances of the caregiver. If your financial future is arranged, that is a lot of stress off your back and off the back of the person you are taking care of because that person probably worries about you. Check out a great booklet on this subject. It can be ordered on their blog at attentioncaregivers.typepad.com.
Hi,
I have a quick question for you regarding your blog, but I couldn't find your contact information. Do you think you could send me an email whenever you get a chance?
Thanks,
Cameron
cameronvsj(at)gmail(dot)com
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